Dear God, please keep my younger brother from harm’s way during his training in army. Let him become a tougher person, and grow more mature in his ways. But let him return to us in the end as who he is now, or even better.

Dear God, please please please protect B. I know he has done wrong and this is perhaps the only way you know how to wake him up because you know that nothing else works anymore. He has learnt his lesson. If Quan Yi Feng, a mature adult can get probation, please give him a second chance and let the judge sentence him to probation to two years too.

Dear God,

Teach me how to be still,

Teach me how to be better than what I am.

Well, of course I know why. Just that it seems silly. My parents are healthy, my family and friends are happy. I am employed. I have things to work towards to. My love life is non-existent. I have no social life. I am exhausted working. I’m unhappy. I pretend to happy. I’m grateful for my bed.

This post is not locked. mm.

2012, supposedly the year of doom, but I’d like to think that the year I turn 23 will be the best year yet. I have fulfilled my resolutions for 2011 – to not afraid to be alone. Glenn and I have separated, I’ve ventured out and do many things on my own.

However, I’m still fat. Haha. And as I grow older I know it’s so much more important to take care of myself in the year.

Here’s the plan for the new year:

• Work out twice a week – through roller derby perhaps
• Start dance lesson
• Volunteer on a monthly basis
• Restart fashion blogging
• Start a photoblog with my new lens
• Start my own business
• Venture out even more
• Diving
• Surfing

It’s a new world ahead, but I got to lift my face up to  welcome it!

xx

今年所失去的亲人与朋友实在太多。我变成了个胆小鬼，不是怕这个就是怕那个。但是，我可以说这些日子我最害怕的，就是今日所拥有的明日会一杀那之间消失。

钱，身份，地位，一一都无所谓。最重要的是明天我起来的时候，大家都还在。

I bought everything that I think will make you happy, and I wish you a merry merry happy Christmas, my best friend, my everything!

The best thing about being in a relationship is being able to stare into the other person’s eyes for a long long time and not have to look away because it’s gotten to intense. 

The best part of being in a relationship is when you first fall in love, and you can spend hours sitting on the couch, doing nothing else but making out. 

The best part of falling in love? It makes you feel young again, and excited, and elated.

I’m pretty sure I have getting drunk on Monday night checked in my bucket list somemore. I didn’t drink that much, but we all know I get buzzed real quick on beer. Just another not so ordinary night because Kai Yuan and Richelle were both gone, shouting and talking really loudly the whole time.

I had so much fun. It’s so funny how the party only got started when I left!
Oh, and so many hot guys. Send me to heaven please. Aussie heaven. Haha

I feel like one of these robots today. Why? Why is it so hard for me to go to work? Wasn’t this what I have been fighting for all these while? Wasn’t this what I’ve dreamt about all these while? Yet why is it so difficult at this juncture? I shouldn’t feel this reluctant every morning. I have never felt this much unwillingness ever to wake up for a job. Usually, I’m just lazy but now, it feels like my heart and soul is pulling back and telling me not to go.

I’m sad. I don’t know what else to look forward to? I feel like my life has stopped here.

Wow, the things that people write. I never realised that people can be this fucked up. Truly. So many family and friends have had to deal with the loss of a loved one, and yet idiots write stuff like “burn in hell”. What the hell is wrong with this society? All these heroes try to pull as many tricks as they can to get attention. They are just really, really pitiful minions aren’t they?

I woke up today and it’s clear that it’s finally over, we’ve lost one member in GR, and one friend to watch grow old and have children. Twenty years from now when we still meet up we will all be wondering what life would have been if he’s still here. It was a dramatic funeral, like a scene pulled right out from a Taiwanese or Hong Kong drama serial. The rain and the thunder was incessant only for the ride to the cremation center and back, and it stopped just as suddenly as it started.

It’s never the same losing an old person and losing a young one. With an old person, you sort of accept that as part and parcel of life. With a young person, it feels like life has been pulled out from right underneath his feet.

At the funeral, I was trying to get career advice out of Chan Choo and I sounded like an old person compared to her. Honestly, I really just want my family and friends to be happy, healthy, and be financially comfortable. I have all that now and I’m really contented. I just wish I can say the same for my own life. Why? Why after these changes and I’m still not the happiest that I can be? Why do I feel like everything is such a struggle still? I want to achieve so much more than what I have right now and it’s killing me that everything is just a blah.

My relationship is filled with cracks, I’m not contented with my professional life because I just feel stuck all the time. What else is there left for me? I feel like there is so much more out there but I’m still stationary, standing here.

Perhaps a third party would come and tell me that I need to slow down and take things one step at a time. My question right back will be WELL THIS IS FUCKING SLOW! I need more challenges and excitement to keep me moving or I’m going to turn stale and unmotivated sooner than anyone can expect to happen!

WHY? Help please?